Apology

Don't ever let your smile fade.

 I am sorry I never thought you were good enough.

I am sorry I expected others to make me happy.

 You really should be all I need.

I am sorry for the pain I forced upon you.

I am sorry for the scares I made and the continuous reminder of the grief I felt. 

I am sorry for the sleep I lost.

For the nights I cried 

and cried

and cried. 

That is not me. That is not you. That is not us.
We are one.

I am beautiful

I am kind

I am loving

I am strong

I should be the one I rely on most.

CARE

   Hell if you understand.

From you who wanted a specific change

Came fuss,

Months without speaking.

You could save a lot of time if you

Cared.

Safe Haven

                                     

    I feel the force as the waves crash against the shores. 

They sooth my mind, hushing my thoughts.

As I look out into the vast water,

I am small, 

My problems are insignificant,

The darkness dissolves the tears.

The world is bigger, its better than where I am at this moment,

At this time.

Breathe

       A piece of me will always reside on the mountain tops of Montana. Your soul releases when you stand there. Up at the highest peek. Spread your arms out wide and close your eyes.

You can feel each gust of wind wirl past your skin, between your legs, over your arms, around your waste, pressing your clothes tight to your back, and your hair flings rapidly with freedom.

Now tilt your head slightly to the heavens and open your eyes.

Stunning blue will fill your view almost too bright to embrace.

Its breathtaking.

Look at me.

       

     On the inside there are things about me that no one needs to know. The darkness the cold bitter thought that disturb even myself. 

      Damn it! Look at me, what do you see? what do you feel? Is it sorrowful to see what you created? You pretend not to notice the heartache I feel. You run and hide to protect yourself. You ignore my calls for help and the pain I express. Are you regretful or grateful? Do you feel relief? Was a burden lifted off your shoulders as I walked out that door. 

        Please tell me.....are you at least happy? Do you miss me?

     The struggles I face now are wicked. They drag me down into the depths of hell and leave me there. It is dark. It is a darkness that I have never experienced before. It is a darkness you can hear. You can feel it as it tries to suffocate you with its slinky black limbs. It chains you to the place where you stand and cripples you to the ground. You're left staring aimlessly into nothing. You're alone.

       What I see when I look at you is bitterness. The way your mouth runs my name. The way your eyes dart from mine as we pass in the hall. You're a coward. 

      You act as if you'll rescue me from this dreary chamber but the ladder disappears among the charcoal air and the rope never quite reaches the cold hard ground. Was this planned or did it just so happen to work out in your favor?
       I will never know what you think or how you feel. So here is where ill stay alone in solitude. 

No More

                

       

Don't decide on your future now.

Take an unbeaten path, find yourself.

Walk alone, discover place of peace.

I want you to know everything.

You don't understand my struggling mind.

Pretend to be happy, dying inside.

That is all you ever see.

Saw you today, wanted to die.

You smile at me on purpose.

Your hug confused my broken heart.

We will never admit we're wrong.

Understand, love, care, trust, no more. 

Reflection

    I enjoyed the blog process. It was very fun to be able to put our hard work out into the public. Although there is little to no comments it is still exciting to see that people are viewing my creations. It is difficult to change backgrounds and templates, It would be nice to have more direction and instructions. I like that there was no specific outline. I am not one to stick to the standard cookie cutter work. I like to choose my own work and my own style. This project was really great for me because it gave me a space to express myself. Writing has always been my escape, I used it to communicate with crushes or argue with a parent or apologize to a friend but i never thought i would use it to heal myself. This class is a wonderful way to help high school students release their struggles, pain, and heartache. But it also helped them share what they believe, who they are, and what they want from life. Being able to hear others stories. It is important for a writing class not to feel pushed or judged and i loved how this class provided both security and support. This class taught more than genres of writing, it showed us how to except others, to realize everyone has a side that is not seen. This class is wonderful and will give many students the courage and strength to stand up for themselves and speak their mind.